All I Can Do is Keep Breathing
by Miss Cordy
Summary: Quinn-centric. A deleted scene of sorts, with Quinn and Rachel actually discussing the fact that Rachel's mom adopted Quinn's baby. Can be set pretty much any time in Season 2.


Author's Note: I wrote this ages ago just because I couldn't get over the fact that this was pretty much never discussed on the show and how insanely weird that was. So, this scene kept playing in my head and it kept getting more and more detailed until I finally just wrote it down. Obviously, it's now completely irrelevant with everything that is happening in Season 3, but I figured I should go ahead and post it anyway. Enjoy!

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><p>"So, I saw Bethy this morning."<p>

Quinn stops dead in her tracks, unconsciously reaches her hand up to her empty belly. She closes her eyes.

"Mom," she says steadily.

"I was just in the neighborhood …"

"I don't want to hear about it," Quinn says harshly.

"I beg your pardon?"

"I told you, Mother. If you wanted to see her, as long as Shelby was fine with it, I was fine with it. But I don't want to hear about it."

"I just don't think it's healthy for you to act like it didn't happen."

"Well, I don't care what you think."

"Quinn Marie Fabray-"

Quinn turns on her.

"Mom!"

"There you are, Quinn!"

Rachel is all of a sudden right there, grabbing Quinn by the arm.

"I've been looking all over for you! Mr. Schue needs your help in the rehearsal room."

Rachel looks at Quinn with wide eyes, nodding at her slightly.

"Thank God," Quinn mumbles and lets Rachel pull her away from her mother.

"Quinn!" her mother yells after her, but Quinn just waves dismissively over her shoulder as Rachel yells that it was lovely seeing her, but Mr. Schue needs them right now.

As soon as they round a corner, Quinn pulls her arm away from Rachel's surprisingly strong grip.

"Thank you for that, but I think I can manage."

"Yes, well, it just seemed like you were in quite a bit of a bind back there and your eyes were practically _screaming_ for help, so I figured I'd get in there before you strangled your own mother or something equally crazy and not at all productive."

She said all of this very fast and Quinn felt her face literally scrunch up with the effort of listening to her talk.

"Yeah, well," she started, not knowing how to talk to her _at all_. "Thanks."

She starts to walk away, when Rachel, for once, actually says something that catches her attention.

"I've seen her, too."

Quinn stops, briefly thinks that maybe she's talking about something else. But as she absently rubs her thumb across her belly, she knows there isn't anything else. For the rest of her life, everything will be about this.

She turns around and looks at Rachel expectantly. Makes a face that roughly translates to, "Speak now and stop wasting my time."

"Bethy, I mean," Rachel says quietly. "That's what Shelby calls her."

A thousand questions rush through her mind all at once, none of which she actually wants to ask about, especially in front of Rachel Berry. The one that screams at her the most, though, almost makes it past her lips.

_Did she seem happy?_

Instead, she shakes her head slightly and struggles for a more neutral response.

"I didn't know you were still in touch with her."

"Just in the past couple weeks," Rachel explains, taking small tentative steps toward her, twisting her fingers in front of her anxiously. Quinn's instinct is to move away from her, but backing down would show weakness. And weakness is one thing Quinn Fabray has had a little too much of lately.

"Well," she says as stoically as she can manage, "that's just wonderful for you."

And since she doesn't really want Rachel Berry to see her cry or something equally embarrassing, she turns around and starts walking away. But Rachel Berry was never one to give up.

"I know you don't want to talk about it," she says, and Quinn can hear her stupid little kitten heels clicking after her on the linoleum floor.

"And yet," she snaps, "you just keep on talking to me."

Rachel moves faster than her small legs should be able to manage, and all of a sudden, she's grabbing at Quinn's elbow, pulling her around to face her.

"What do you want from me?" Quinn yells, surprising even herself. Rachel jumps slightly, stammers a little before answering.

"I just wanted you to know you weren't alone."

This statement doesn't make sense to Quinn, and once again she's left tilting her head at Rachel Berry in confusion. Of course she's alone. So, she takes a deep breath and turns slowly away from the girl in front of her. But she doesn't walk away yet. Because so many things are dying to be let out of her, struggling against her chest and her throat and her (empty) stomach. But she doesn't let anything out. Instead, Rachel keeps talking, like she tends to do when she's nervous and in uncomfortable situations. Like Quinn knew she would, because despite herself, she knows a lot about Rachel Berry.

"I've only been over a couple times, but I figured, if you _did_ want to see her or want to know how she was doing, I should tell you, because not telling you sort of seems like I'm lying to you, and even though I feel like I don't owe you anything, lying to you about her would just seem so awful, so I figured I'd just tell you and that way if you _did_ want to see her, I could always go with you and you wouldn't have to be alone."

She says all this in a rush and she has to take a big gulp of air when she's done, which almost makes Quinn smile. But almost was never enough for anyone, was it?

Quinn doesn't turn around, but she can feel her shoulders relax slightly. Feels her throat working before she decides on exactly what she's going to say. But when she finally does manage to speak, she's not surprised by what she hears.

"Is she happy?"

She whispers the words, so scared of the answer, even though she rationally knows what Rachel is going to say. She needs to know that she made the right decision. She needs someone to tell her.

"Of course," Rachel says kindly but firmly, and for the first time that afternoon, she's completely calm and still, and it's this demeanor more than anything that allows Quinn to let herself breathe out the breath she's been holding for what seems like months. Maybe even longer. Since the first time Puck kissed her and she felt like she couldn't breathe. She's pretty sure she hasn't breathed freely since.

"Of course she's happy," Rachel goes on, and Quinn senses her right behind her before Rachel touches her arm softly. She wants to tense, to jerk away from her, but she's so gentle and there's such tenderness in her touch that Quinn can only stand there and do nothing. She's not even surprised or upset when Rachel moves in front of her face, hands grasping both arms securely.

"Quinn," she says softly, "you did the best thing you could do for her. She has a nice home and a wonderful mother." Quinn sees something in her eyes die a little at that last part, but like always, Rachel manages to keep talking.

"That little girl is going to have _such_ a good life," she tells her, and she says it like she really, truly believes it, clutching Quinn's hands and closing her eyes tight with the force of what she's saying.

Quinn can't help herself. She believes her.

"Really?"

"Absolutely. And it's because you loved her so much."

Quinn can feel the wetness in her eyes, and she doesn't even mind too much because it's true. What Rachel said was true – she loved her _so_ much. So much that every day since she left her arms has been a struggle. It's been painful. She doesn't think it will ever stop hurting, but everyday it hurts the tiniest fraction less.

As she lets Rachel wrap her tiny arms around her and give her the first real hug she's had in months, she thinks that maybe tomorrow the hurt will lessen a little more than usual.


End file.
